1996

If you aren’t going to be in my life then you have no business being in my dreams.  Capiche?  You don’t have permission.

You know how you start to think that everything’s going to be okay, that your insides have settled down from their constant fluttering and you’re making some headway, and then something comes along and gives you a good old poke in the stomach and you’re back at the bottom of the hill.  Yeah, that.

Sunburned feet

On the afternoon of Christmas Day there was a trip to the beach before dinner.  I walked along with my aunt, and we talked about life, love and everything.

Before we turned back, my aunt took a dip in the sea (isn’t she cute).  By the time we had walked about three quarters of the way back along the beach we were met by my cousin.  The others had decided not to wait for us and gone home, sending him back with the car to pick us up.  It took us so long that we didn’t even miss them.  Later in the evening I realised that my feet had gotten sunburned and not much else.  Note to self: always remember to put sunblock on your feet as well as everywhere else.

Who am I to know
Who am I to know you

Yesterday or in the night the night before I was thinking about how great it would be to build one of these, and then today when I went to flickr, there was this picture from one of my contacts.  Coincidence?

Photo by Ian O’Hara

“In vain I have struggled.  It will not do.  My feelings will not be repressed.  You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

—Pride & Prejudice
Jane Austen

Drawings in light

 

That kind of anticipation where you’re waiting for something to happen for days or weeks, and when you think about it you get a thrill in the pit of your stomach that’s a mix of excitement and dread.  And then it doesn’t happen the way you thought it might, and afterward that same thrill has changed to a sense of both disappointment and relief that lasts for days.

One eye on the door

A solitary figure he makes
Standing alone
Sitting alone
Alone in his head locked in with his thoughts
Around him so many people stand
And he sits on the floor
And he is alone
And his heart beats strong
And he is afraid of it
And what it means
And what it does
And what he doesn’t
A solitary figure
Watching and waiting for a thing
Wanting only for the one to stand before him
The one who changes everything
Where is that one?
And he waits with one eye on the door

dreamstime

I was standing in a large marbled room, a kind of hall or foyer in what seemed like an important building.  It was late at night, but there were people around, I certainly wasn’t the only one there.  I was standing to the side near a wall, and when I looked up there were two men walking just a couple of feet from me, circling around the periphery of my personal space.  They were watching me warily and threateningly at the same time, in the same kind of way a pack of wolves looks at their prey before they attack.  They were bulky and completely dark from head to toe; dark hair, dark skin, dark suits and shoes and each holding some kind of black device, larger and bulkier than a smart phone, maybe more the size of a remote control.  Their eyes were the only thing that wasn’t dark, like they were lit up from within, some kind of unholy fire burning behind their irises.  And then they lunged, and I realised the devices were some kind of stunner, and that they wanted to take something from me but I didn’t know what.  And then I was lying on a bench with them crouched over me, with their devices held against my skin rendering me helpless.  It wasn’t like an electric shock, but it was some kind of force that held me rigid and paralysed as they searched for whatever it was they had come for.  I didn’t like the sense of helplessness and invasion so I woke myself up.