The Truth

I have something I need to tell you.  You should know, as well, that this is pretty hard for me to say.  I’m not at all good at being direct.  At just coming out with it.  I don’t want to hurt you, which is why its gotten to this point, I guess.  Its all the unsaid things between us.  They’ve made it seem like this is such an incredibly huge cliff that I’m now standing at the edge of, waiting to hurl myself into some achingly unknowable future.  I don’t know if I’m ready.  I’ve tried to hint at this before, but you don’t get it.  Or won’t.  But I haven’t been exactly honest with you about where this has all been leading to.  I’m actually a very selfish person when it comes down to it.  Self absorbed.  You might have noticed.  I do what it takes to make myself feel ok.  Even if its emotionally dishonest and you wind up getting hurt.  That was never what I wanted.  I just wanted to be around you.  What I’ve been trying to say is that I can’t be the person you need for me to be.  I’m sorry.  I should have known better.


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