Lying in the long grass or sitting by the sea?

Wake up in the morning (afternoon).  Yesterday I wished I could have been lying out in the sun instead of stuck inside at work all day.  Decide that today I am not going to stay in bed all day, I’m going out in the sun.

Cue the start of an internal debate about the difference between aloneness and loneliness.  Recently I’ve been struggling deeply with the fact that I spend almost all my time when I’m not working alone.  It kind of came to a head last night, and I think I realised that staying in bed all the time is not helping.  Which is why I went outside today.  I want to do that a lot, but it always seems like so much effort, and to do what?  I have no idea.  So much things to do and so little motivation to do any of them.  I don’t know how this whole thing is going to resolve itself.  How does one overcome a profound sense of loneliness?  I’m not looking for anyone to give me an answer, and I’m not asking anyone to fix me.  I’m just putting this outside of myself.  Maybe one day I’ll look back and read this and wonder what my problem was.

Here’s hoping.


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