balancing act

It’s funny how little it takes to change the way you feel.  Take the desk, for example.  Just having this desk makes me feel more like a legitimate person.  I mean, you could say it was an aggregate of several occurrences that lead to this feeling: the graduation from a PC laptop to an iMac, the subsequent shift from time spent in my bedroom to time spent in the living room, the desire to not waste my days sleeping them away, and finally the desk.  This slow shift is also responsible for a growing desire for a change in location.  I want a new home, and I’m becoming more and more certain that what I want is a place to myself.  Somewhere with some outdoor space that isn’t a balcony (ie. some grass).  Somewhere I can have people over if I want (here, I generally don’t want).  Somewhere I can make things.  Somewhere I can furnish how I want without fear that someone else will destroy my things when I’m not looking.  And somewhere I can park a car.  I think my life is wanting a sense of stability.  The lack of all of these things keeps me feeling somewhat off balance and a little bit stuck.  There are a couple of other things I want as well, but I might leave those for another time.

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