The other night I was lying awake in Brisbane. It was hot and I had things running amok in my brain. So I got up and tried to get some of it out by writing it down, but instead of addressing the issue directly I went around it and what came out of it was some vague musing about traveling and being alone. I actually concluded with, “I think I have a case of heartache, mentionitis and ~*forever alone*~ all at once.”
The next day when I tried to pinpoint what the issue was I wrestled with it a bit more, tried to explain it to Amber, and then came out with this: I’ve developed a friend crush. Yuck! That sounds awful, and after doing some research on the internet, it is pretty awful. According to one article I read, this woman wrote that it is something that happens to some women. Basically they meet a new friend and find themselves crushing on them. In a platonic sense. I don’t want to go into it any further because the article left me feeling, quite frankly, weirded out.
Then there’s good old Urban Dictionary. A lot of their definitions are also really gross, but here’s one that isn’t so bad:
When you see someone you don’t really know and want to become friends with him or her. A nonsexual crush. A wanting to be friends with someone.
“I saw John today. I kind of have a friend crush on him…not gonna lie.“
This. What is this?! Now I feel like a giant weirdo. And there’s nothing I can do about it. To be truthful, this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced the phenomenon, but it’s the first time I’ve actually realised what was going on. The trouble is that it feels pretty much exactly the same as a normal crush, except you’re not having, you know, those kind of thoughts about the person. It’s more like, you think about talking to them, or wish you could hang out, like, all the time. Or something. And I’m back to feeling like a giant stalky weirdo again.
The problem is compounded by the fact that the person in question doesn’t live in the same country as me. So it’s not like this could be something that could naturally take it’s course. The natural course of this kind of friendship is an early death. I mean there is the internet/Facebook etc, but what is that really? It’s not real.
This whole thing feels remarkably akin to teenage angst, which I thought I had left behind over a decade ago.