This is a frame depicting Harrison Ford and Sean Young from the acclaimed 1982 film Blade Runner. Based on possibly the best-titled (science-fiction) novel of all time, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick, this strange and dreamlike film was directed by arguably the worst (popular) film director of all time, Ridley Scott. This is of course only my opinion.
Just weighed myself, because, you know… and I can confirm that the removal of 1x soul-sucking life troll has resulted in several kilos of weight gain.
[Theme song needs an update]
I’ve been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over the last little while. Or maybe just in a big downward spiral. Yeah, that’s probably closer to the mark. I’ve been telling myself different reasons for what’s been causing it. Mostly to do with whatever the last little irritation was that made me snap. Today I realised that those things have all been indicators of what had truly been going on. My emotional energy had been on a slow drain, not caused by the strain of being around people constantly at work/giving out a lot of my emotional energy volunteering at church/people who are idiots and are trying my patience. I had blamed it on being Introverted. I felt like I was becoming a misanthropist. What I realised today: this was never the case. The truth is, I’ve been feeling much better since the start of the week but I only noticed how big the change has been tonight when faced with a situation where I would have been grumpy and obnoxious but instead I felt great! The affecting factor was a certain person who has been pinging on my emotional radar. This is someone I hadn’t seen for over a month but who I was still in vicarious contact with via social media. We weren’t talking. We weren’t not talking. But the possibility was there. So earlier in the week after having a heated discussion with a third party (hand-in-hand with some things I posted on various social media during/after the fact), they decided to delete both me and the other person off Facebook and other social media platforms. The difference it has made to my emotional wellbeing is amazing! Who knew that one person could have such a massive effect. Welcome to a whole new world. PS. Okay, I lie. I knew this was a problem for a while but I’d also been successfully lying to myself. Here’s an example of one of the things I posted on the interwebs that I feel was partially responsible for this week’s total takedown… I had been saving it up for a while to use at just the right moment, and hey! It worked!
PPS. Throwing in this cute picture which was one of the social media posts mentioned above…
This song, though. Singing it at home/singing it corporately.
I love my church.
It was getting close to 1 o’clock when sleepily he checked the time on his phone for the third or fourth time. He should get up if he wanted to make anything at all of the day. He hadn’t gone to sleep until sometime after 3 in the morning (currently the standard), so felt justified that this had given him at least close to eight hours in bed. Last night he had considered the possibility of getting up for one of the morning services whilst also knowing that the chances of this happening were slim to none. And sure enough.
He brushed his teeth and dressed quickly, then wandered around the corner for what he thought of as his morning flat white (never mind when he actually left the house). If his friend was working at the café he would greet her with a cheerful, “Good morning!” regardless of the time; frequently in the early-to-mid afternoon. The biggest problem with getting there after midday is that they were no longer serving breakfast rolls, so he would have to think of something else to have for breakfast. Which was a problem because thinking about food was so much effort. And then he (probably) would have to prepare it. Time! Time was a heavy burden. There was so much of it, and also so little.
Home again, he settled in front of the computer and ate a banana while checking various social media and trying to listen to music. Trying, because he started with one thing then stopped that to watch a video, then remembered a new album he wanted to check out before purchasing. He was about to go back to the first thing he had been listening to when he noticed it had started to rain. He could just hear it over the music, and peering over the top of his monitor and through the lace curtain he could see that, yes, the road was gleaming wetly. He paused the music and decided, instead, to just listen to the rain and knit some more of his scarf. He was coming so close to finishing but he kept procrastinating so it had dragged out longer than necessary. He was ready to finish and move on to another thing. Maybe a cardigan? Probably just another scarf.
The rain pattered gently, and there was the soft clicking of the bamboo needles. The heater by his side took the chill out of the air, yet he could still feel a certain coolness around him. A sensation of the awareness of being alive and in this moment took him by surprise; a wave of tingles rippled across his skin and was gone again. Amazing.
As he continued to knit in the relative silence, he realised he had space for his thoughts. Usually he knitted and kind of half watched a show on Netflix. But in the quiet his thoughts started to run free. It felt good.
Coming to the end of the colour block he was working on he realised it was time to start getting ready to leave the house. He noticed going into the bathroom that the mirror was steamed up indicating that someone else had showered recently. “Great!” he thought. “I live with a cave troll who never leaves the house, yet chooses to use up the hot water right before I need to go out like I do on the regular.” Sure enough, half way through washing himself the water started to cool. “This would never happen if I were a hermit.”
Returning to his room he decided to start writing an epic piece about his eventful day. He liked to think of it as finding the profound in the mundane. “It was getting close to 1 o’clock…”
He considered a title for the piece: MISANTHROPE SEEKS MANIC PIXIE DREAM TROPE. It didn’t quite fit. And now he was running late.
Last night, whilst watching Empire Records on the big screen at work, I had the realisation that two of my favourite “feel good” and infinitely quotable films of all time star none other than Renée Zellweger. This was a strange realisation for me to have. And doesn’t relate to anything in particular.
Empire Records (1995)
Dir. Alan Moyle
“Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.”
Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
Dir. Sharon Maguire
“Shut up please. I am very busy and important. P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner.”
Also, this gem from Bridget’s mother:
“You’ll never get a boyfriend if you look like you wandered out of Auschwitz.” (Note to self).
I may have also based my entire personality on a combination of AJ from Empire Records, and Bridget. Oops!
I feel like I’ve been knitting this scarf for a very long time. So long. An eternity. But I think I’m almost done. And then I can start again with another one. Isn’t life funnnn?!
EDIT: Scrolling down, I note that it has, in point of fact, been only just over a month since I began knitting this scarf while visiting Amber in Brisbane. Ha! Bleep bloop.