July 24, 2015
There is definitely some sort of rodent in my bedroom right now! And there has been for a couple of days. I can hear them rustling around in my cupboard right now this minute. The other night they were in my wardrobe; up to no good I’m sure. I will name them Boudicca. I just threw them some almonds. It’s important to be hospitable to guests.
July 15, 2015
My life has a certain… shapeliness? I work every day. I include church in that, because being a volunteer, leading volunteer teams every week, it’s not exactly restful. I have one day to myself. One day a week. Wednesday has become my Sabbath. The day where I have no demands on my time. I get to decided what I do. I don’t have to be subjected to the whims of others. Except even then I do. This is what it means to live with people.
A stranger has come To share my room in the house not right in the head A girl mad as birds
This is a quote from Love in the Asylum by Dylan Thomas, and while it doesn’t relate to me because for me it isn’t about my love life (what love life… forever alone, etc. etc.), I can always relate to it. The tyranny of the other, and the inability to reconcile with the inevitability of misunderstandings. I am grumpy and horrible. I don’t want to be a hermit. But on my day off I don’t want to see people who don’t live here. So I choose instead to avoid all contact. Except by prior arrangement and with plenty of time for warm up.
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR NO ONE TO BE HERE ON WEDNESDAYS? JUST WEDNESDAYS? I ONLY HAVE ONE DAY. ONE DAY. ONE DAY. ONE. DAY.
Okay, end rant.
July 10, 2015
“sorry i didn’t respond to your text i was disenchanted with the entire human experience,” a thrilling new memoir by me
file under: quotes from the internet that are relevant to my entire life
July 8, 2015
This was me today before my 2 minute on-foot commute to work. As you can see it was a struggle.
July 5, 2015
Suf-y says, “Happy 4th! We’re all gonna die.”
June 11, 2015
This is a frame depicting Harrison Ford and Sean Young from the acclaimed 1982 film Blade Runner. Based on possibly the best-titled (science-fiction) novel of all time, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick, this strange and dreamlike film was directed by arguably the worst (popular) film director of all time, Ridley Scott. This is of course only my opinion.
June 9, 2015
Just weighed myself, because, you know… and I can confirm that the removal of 1x soul-sucking life troll has resulted in several kilos of weight gain.
June 5, 2015
[Theme song needs an update]
June 5, 2015
I’ve been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over the last little while. Or maybe just in a big downward spiral. Yeah, that’s probably closer to the mark. I’ve been telling myself different reasons for what’s been causing it. Mostly to do with whatever the last little irritation was that made me snap. Today I realised that those things have all been indicators of what had truly been going on. My emotional energy had been on a slow drain, not caused by the strain of being around people constantly at work/giving out a lot of my emotional energy volunteering at church/people who are idiots and are trying my patience. I had blamed it on being Introverted. I felt like I was becoming a misanthropist. What I realised today: this was never the case. The truth is, I’ve been feeling much better since the start of the week but I only noticed how big the change has been tonight when faced with a situation where I would have been grumpy and obnoxious but instead I felt great! The affecting factor was a certain person who has been pinging on my emotional radar. This is someone I hadn’t seen for over a month but who I was still in vicarious contact with via social media. We weren’t talking. We weren’t not talking. But the possibility was there. So earlier in the week after having a heated discussion with a third party (hand-in-hand with some things I posted on various social media during/after the fact), they decided to delete both me and the other person off Facebook and other social media platforms. The difference it has made to my emotional wellbeing is amazing! Who knew that one person could have such a massive effect. Welcome to a whole new world.
PS. Okay, I lie. I knew this was a problem for a while but I’d also been successfully lying to myself. Here’s an example of one of the things I posted on the interwebs that I feel was partially responsible for this week’s total takedown… I had been saving it up for a while to use at just the right moment, and hey! It worked!
“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”
PPS. Throwing in this cute picture which was one of the social media posts mentioned above…
June 4, 2015
Introducing the newest members of my gang, the Indie Plants.